Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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