I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
