Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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