He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
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Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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