Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
