no, he came in my armpit
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
