it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
