I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
