get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
