they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
