The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
