My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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