When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
