what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
