they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??