I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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