Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
