I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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