Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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