cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
