I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
do nipples grow back?
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