So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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