I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
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Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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