Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
