I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
