Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
