Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
