Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
