ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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