There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
