i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
