I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize