walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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