I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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