I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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