walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
