Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
