i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
