I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
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great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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