38 yer olds are good kisserssss
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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