if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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