Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
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I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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