My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
