Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
