Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They took my balls.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
