WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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