Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
