it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
