wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
