my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize