Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
