Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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