Plan B is the new Plan A
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
