and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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