So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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