I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize