i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
