Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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