so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
