I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
