she was so not down for the gang bang
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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