Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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