I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
